10 years ago, I saw myself almost exactly how I am today. The only difference is that I don't drive a turbo'd SUV......and I don't have a place of my own. I consider myself to be living pretty well, but as we all are, we expect ourselves to be in a better situation than we are right now.
We say that we are old. We aren't getting any younger. Time doesn't matter to me. What matters is what time it is NOW and what we have during this era. I still think that it is not enough. I still feel as if I'm only 10% complete.
I'm at that age where I should have already found someone and had a child. The age I am is the same age my parents conceived me. I feel as if I missed a huge milestone. At the same time, its not like I'm trying to pursue it and make it happen. I'm not trying to force a legacy, all I'm doing is letting it happen, letting it flow as if it were the slow waters of a river.
On another note, I'm tired of the chase. I feel that I'm too tired from "That Chase." I feel that I deserve a big break from the reason that I've had such a struggling life.
Deep down inside, I feel as if loneliness overwhelms me, No matter who I am with, no matter how many people are with or around me. Its not like I shun out my friends or peers nor do I exclude them from my feelings or mind. I do not try to pose as a higher being acting like I'm better than everybody nor do I act like no one isn't worthy to be on my level...
Maybe I'm just trying to reserve that spot for someone. I dunno, sometimes I think that my level of thinking is even too advanced for my OWN mind processes.
I just wish things went easy for me. I wish I had the abilities to handle this. I wish I was good at relationships.............
please don't patronize me with your cliche sayings.....
I hope I didn't wish on the blue star for nothing..
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