A post i made 7 years ago

shoot! i was hatin life back then:

(my grammer is bad so i can make the words rhyme) "sometimes i see you but you are far away. i wish you were within my grasp for the whole day. i walk this path of destruction hoping it will lead to some light, but it feels as if i am descending to darkness, losing the fight. is there anyone for me, any angel to save my life without her im burning in hell, no one to be a wife. for all the angels who have fallen and faded. i had not a chance to save you, it was your choice to be tainted. i number my days with unsober inebriation. my heart withers away with such intoxication. i dont fall all the way, with the way of my demons but at the rate of my living, just wait till we see 'em. people say that life will get better for me it gets worse, blood only gets wetter. love is so deep, love is so true. the more i love, my heart only goes blue. no heaven for me, to touch and to see. why is greatness suspended from me? if i cant keep going, i'll only go harder, my hate my anger will make me go faster it keeps me alive other than hope. theres not much room to climb on the rope. others go and wither, others die at a haste. i think i should go a bit futher or i can just O.D. on H.

Wishes of the Past

People my age always say "we're getting old", "i feel old".

I don't see it that way. For one reason, there are older people than us. Those people are living their lives out way more than us who are 20-38 and whatnot. I even catch older people living the life as if they were still in their younger 20's.

I still feel as if im in that 17- 23 age bracket.... mostly due to my lack of "HighSchool-hood."
I never really got to experience what everyone had, from parties, popularity, trouble, cars, basically a middle-classed teen would get to experience.

I was raised through very hard times. Times you'd only hear about through your elders. Yeah, maybe I was one of that 35 percentile who smoked and drank since I was 12, but that was money tethered from the other homies just to have that nicotine and alcohol fix.

All I can say is that I wish I was more fortunate, got into more school activities, and been a normal in-crowd-er.

???

My mind has been going left and right. It's not a lack of focus but more like my mind is drowning into a sea of bliss.